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Simon's Dos and Don'ts On: Camping


If you haven't met Simon, you probably should.

Simon is the guy who constantly gets himself into sticky situations. If you don't know Simon, you probably know somebody like Simon. At Life Is Crap, we have Simon to tell us about his stories so you can avoid similar experiences. 

Here are Simon's Dos and Don'ts of camping outdoors so you can prepare for your next trip accordingly.

Simons Camping List Of Dos and Donts

1. Do: Bring Your Dog
If you have a furry friend, you know that they love the outdoors! Simon knew that, so he brought his pup. He was happy to have the company until he forgot all about his pup for an hour after he tied him to a tree for a minute. He didn't want the dog going anywhere! Take it from Simon - bring your dog but keep him by your side at all times.

2. Do: Always Pack Enough Beer
One time when Simon went camping, he made a checklist so he had everything he needed for a successful trip. This, of course, included beer. He was only going alone so he brought a six-pack. Well, if he knew himself well enough, he would have known that was definitely not enough. He ran out of beer and even though he learned his lesson, he had to be in the woods sober - what a punishment.

3. Do: Bring A Hammock
Simon says that when you're in the woods, you just have to sit back, relax, and enjoy nature. There's no better way to do that than to become one with the trees and lay back in a hammock! Be sure to follow his advice - to a point. See, when Simon finally set his seat up between the trees, he relaxed....and got tangled up in the strings. Take a page out of his book, but don't read it word for word. 

4. Do: Bring Toilet Paper
This is an important one! Just ask Simon, after all. A few years ago, Simon went camping when he realized that nature really did call. When he went to go do his business, he turned to get toilet paper in the porta potty and - well - let's just say he had to air dry. ALWAYS bring your own toilet paper because you can never have enough.

5. Do: Use The Outhouse Accordingly
Going back to the above problem - the year after that happened, Simon learned his lesson and grabbed his toilet paper. He was ready to go. He walked into the camping ground's outhouse and noticed it was a little wobbly. As careful as he was, he is Simon, and bad things happen to him constantly. The porta potty flopped over! A dirty Simon will tell you to use the outhouse accordingly and be very careful!

1. Don't: Put Your Campfire Too Close To Your Tent
Do you think the first time Simon went camping was bad? Try this one on for size. A careless Simon went camping once again the following year for a second time. He was happy to be one with the outdoors and immediately began to set up shop. The tent was complete and he was feeling accomplished. It was time for smores! He set up his campfire right next to his tent.  So what went wrong? Read that sentence about the campfire again. See, if you get your fire too close to your tent, it'll catch!  We can all learn some fire safety precautions here.

2. Don't: Leave Food Out. Anywhere.
When the fire was put out from that tent fire, Simon was finally able to eat. He roasted some weenies and dug in. Someone should have told him this simple rule: you don't leave open containers in the tent. When Simon did it, a bear came looking for some dinner and ripped through his tent! You'd think he'd have a clue, but you can't give him too much credit when it comes to luck.

3. Don't: Hike Alone Without Checking The Weather
As we have come to learn, Simon isn't the brightest bulb. He's resourceful because he's been in many sticky situations, but that's about it. A few years ago, Simon went camping and he decided to hike a trail nearby. Someone should have told him to turn around because it began to rain! Don't be like Simon - use your weather app or check it before you go to the great outdoors.

4. Don't: Forget The Alcohol
Simon should have known from last time that a six pack of beer wasn't enough. He also should have brought a handle of tequila. It's common knowledge that camping trips are also for drinking. Don't forget the good stuff like Simon did!

5. Don't: Smoke Near Your Tent
Even though people don't really smoke anymore, this is just a PSA. When and if you're smoking cigarettes, do not smoke near your tent! This is a fire hazard (like the campfire rule.) Simon's friend came with him one time and made this mistake - that's the reason Simon goes camping alone. 

Do you have camping dos or don'ts you've learned from your experiences in the great outdoors? Share it in the comments below!


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