How You Know It's Too Hot To Give a Crap
Sometimes summer feels more like a pit of hell than a season. You know it’s too hot to give a crap when you step outside and immediately feel baked. Breathing can become difficult because the air is burning your lungs. The sun’s rays feel like lasers. The following are more ways you know it’s too hot to give a crap.
Not Enough Ice
The ability to cool off in water is lost, when summer temperatures soar too high. The water coming out of the faucet is hot, even on the cold side. Your child goes outside to romp under the water hose and comes back scalded from the water. You dive into the beautiful blue water of a swimming pool for much-needed cooling off and get a shock. The water feels like the hot tub when the temperature is adjusted to the “too hot to handle” setting. No matter where you turn, sources of cooling are scorched. Even when you get cold water out of the fridge, it tastes room temperature in minutes. All you can think about is having truckloads of ice poured in the swimming pool. But then you realize it would melt as soon it hit the water.
How you Know it’s Too Hot
Jokes are supposed to be funny, but it’s hard to laugh when the jokes hit too close to home. The following funny jokes become actual news announcements about the weather, when your whole world feels like a firepit. It’s so hot:
- Fish are already fried when you catch them.
- 4th-of-July fireworks light themselves.
- Squirrels have been spotted picking up nuts with potholders.
- By the time you get home from the grocery story, your bread is toast.
- The outdoor thermometer got all the way up to, “Are you kidding me?”
- Everyone is wearing sweatpants.
- Beach sand turned to glass.
- The best parking places are the ones that have shade.
- You can bake cookies in the rear window of your car.
- First your ice and then the cup melts.
- Traffic cones all melted.
- You have to use potholders to drive your car.
- The sea gulls at the beach all stayedunder beach umbrellas.
How to Cool Off in the Heat
When summer is too hot to handle, the only way you can cool off is by wearing a cool t-shirt. It makes you “cool” but not in the way that relieves the heat. Shop at www.LifeisCrap.com for all the cool styles you might need. Or don’t. It’s too hot to give a crap.