SALE: 20% OFF Today - Use Code CRAP20

A Dreaded Game Day Prediction

Today is February 4, 2018. In a few short hours, a certain football will be kicked off in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The weather is already record cold for the Super Bowl, at -0. How ironic because I feel like the chances of the game having the outcome I desire is literally -0! It is a smaller chance than the odds that the footballs used by both teams will be fully inflated. My strongly heartfelt and desperate desire is for the Philadelphia Eagles to win their first-ever Super Bowl. It’s not because I’m, per say, an Eagles fan. Never even been East. It’s because I’m among the throngs who can’t seem to help but feel seething hatred toward the other team’s quarterback.

Applicable Group Think

The host of a news program in the week leading up to the Big Game tackled the issue of widespread hatred of this certain player who need not be named. The woman’s reasoning? She was adamant that the “best quarterback in NFL history” loves football with a passion no one else touches and therefore smokes everyone out of any hope of getting the Most Coveted Sports Ring. Does this sound completely naïve to anyone else but me? When a sports person is collectively despised, there is a reason that transcends something as petty as jealousy. Sadly, numerous sports articles claim that a certain individual is hated because of pure envy. I call bullshit!

It’s the Cheating, Stupid!

There are people who have told me that every team in football engages in cheating strategies of some kind. Why is it, then, that I don’t know any of these supposed cheating revelations? What is widely known and recognized is that the Hated One and his Coach have been caught cheating. It’s a lot easier to win games when you know the other team’s playbook—Duh! Here are the two unmistakable things that have caused me to want The Arm to retire immediately and forever:

  • In 2007, The Coach was caught red-handed videotaping the practices of an opposing team. This brought unrelenting shame on both Coach and his Star Player.
  • The pièce de résistance was Deflategate. During the AFC Championship Game on January 18, 2015, during which the weather was wet and horrible, the Hated One “allegedly” used balls that had been slightly deflated, making them easier to handle, particularly in poor conditions. The cheating team soundly shut out the Indianapolis Colts. The Big Game went on as usual, with the allegations on the table. The alleged cheating team won the Big Game in 2015 and again in 2017. It’s back today for the 2018 game. The NFL found adequate evidence that Deflategate allegations were true, in a report released on May 6, 2015, and in other reports that came after that. A great deal of back-and-forth went on with regard to the suspect footballs. Media outlets and countless football fans wanted the team and quarterback to pay dearly. Ultimately, we are supposed to believe that the quarterback-so-passionate-about-football doesn’t recognize when one is deflated? His punishment was being suspended for four games at the beginning of the 2015-2016 season.

The Dreaded Prediction

I predict that The Cheater wins and that I suffer horrible indigestion. Because I may hate a certain alleged cheater but I dig the Game Day party food. Okay, okay. Also, deep down, I know it’s wrong to throw stones. So this article may also come back to repeat on me in an uncomfortable way. Karma or some such--further evidence that, in many ways, life is crap.

Miracle of miracles! The Philadelphia Eagles soundly won the Big Game and coveted rings! As for me? Before 24 hours had passed, I had full-blown symptoms of the flu. I'm convinced that spewing my hatred indeed came back to bite me. It is a horrible strain of flu. Thanks, Karma.

Leave a reply