SALE: 20% OFF Today - Use Code CRAP20

5 Gross Things About Parenting

I was never around babies, growing up, and never dreamed about being a parent. This ultimately saved me from severe disillusionment. After college, I got married and, a year later, I was a mom. If I had ever imagined what it would be like to care for a baby, there’s no way I would have dreamed up the disgusting realities of the job. Completely unprepared for all that being a mom entailed, there was one thing I knew for certain in the early days: Much about parenting is disgustingly gross and, literally, full of crap. As sort of a civic duty, I will delve into difficult memories of those baby years and reveal five of the many gross things about parenting.



Newborns poop strange substances of varying shades. I forget whether slick emerald green comes before or after the yellow kind of poop that is like squishy sand, but it all stank and made me gag. Then each of my three children grew into toddlers who just pooped directly into their diapers in proportions that seemed fitting for a grown man. The smell can knock you off your feet and make you want to beg for momma.



During cold season, babies from newborns up start oozing snot. Their noses run like leaky faucets. The colors vary from clear to a disturbing green. These rivers of snot end up all over everything. As a parent, you accept the fact of direct contact with snot, when you failed to pack enough wipies, tissues, and cloths. It is a relentless torment, having to deal with the streaming mucous.



You might think boogers aren’t as bad as snot, but they are. Oh, they definitely are because kids find them more edible. Mucous-like substances have always made me nauseous. Even as a mother, I have trouble keeping the food in my stomach, when I see a kid snacking on boogers.



It’s surprising how violently a tiny newborn can spew his lunch, like a scene straight out of The Exorcist. Of all the supplies needed to raise babies, one thing I never had enough of was burp clothes. What a joke of a name, by the way. “Burp clothes” are for large volumes of spit-up, also known as baby vomit. As the babes grow, at every stage, there are times when illness involves vomiting chunks in the car, on the couch, on your carpet, on beds, and everywhere except in a toilet or vomit bowl.


Five-Grossness on You

Each of the above-listed gross things are bad enough as they are, but the worst part is it all ends up on you. I tried so hard to go into public nicely groomed. But, alas, there were thousands of times when I was embarrassed to discover that my clothing or skin was smudged with poop, snot, boogers, or vomit. And my house? The battle to clean and disinfect was never-ending.

And, so, there you have it. Five of the gross things about raising kids. But, as my mother used to say about me and my siblings, those little shits are worth it.



Leave a reply